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Teleprompter Man Returns

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  1. January 25, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    "I hereby resign the office of the Presidency of the United States, effective noon tomorrow."

  2. January 25, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    "Hi kids, the man behind me will kill you if you knock over my teleprompters."

  3. January 25, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    "well..err ahhh ummm well…I haven't had err much ahhh sleep lately…and…ahhhhh"

  4. January 25, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    "Good morning, students. I'd like to read to you from "My Pet Goat."

  5. January 25, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    "OK Kids my speech is called "The State of the Union". I am going to practice reading it to you. Tell me if you like my voice…"

  6. January 26, 2010 at 12:07 am

    "Contrary to what Attascadero residents believe, the world is not flat. Just look at that globe thingy behind me."

  7. January 26, 2010 at 1:41 am

    "I'm not a crook"

  8. January 26, 2010 at 11:52 am

    TelePrompter on … uh… the stand, who's the umm… uh… best speaker…umm in the uh… land?

  9. January 26, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    "Do you kids like jogging? wanna join me for a jog? I will be running to the right to save my party…let's go!"

  10. January 26, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    ""I'm Listening, People" or "Listen Up, People!" which should I use in tomorrows speech?"

  11. January 26, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    "Hey kids what news channel do your folks watch? FOX! Oh great! Well you be sure to tell your parents to watch NBC & CNN while they are still in business. OK?"

  12. January 26, 2010 at 11:14 pm

    "A B C D E F G …"

  13. January 27, 2010 at 5:39 am

    Jimmy, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

  14. January 27, 2010 at 9:23 am

    I am announcing a bold new progressive agenda, and to help me move in that direction, I have ask for the resignation of my Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel. I have asked Dr. Howard Dean to step in and take his place so that I may move this great nation in a forward direction. I have requested that Harry Reid step down as Majority Leader in the Senate and that Russ Feingold take his place so we can really move on important legislation. Senator Feingold's first act as majority leader will be to "nuke" the filibuster to remove the obstacle of the Republican minority that wants to do nothing but stop government from doing anything. We are moving forward with a new single payer healthcare initiative that we hope to have implemented by the end of the year, and as a means of balancing our budget and paying for the huge debit left to us by President Bush, I am proposing that the all of the tax cuts implemented since the days of Ronald Reagan be rescinded immediately.

  15. January 27, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    As silly as I may look, alone here in this office, I am standing and applauding the post from Downtown Bob.The President would be mocked and ridiculed by the Anti-American Right Wing if he announced his intent to balance the budget through cuts to social programs, to reverse Roe v. Wade and to replace Joe Biden with James Dobson. There is no pleasing the treasonous Republican oppositionals, so why bother?He should remember the Barack Obama who was running for President, and remember that a very clear and compelling majority voted for THAT man. Intelligent and thoughtful and thoroughly liberal.He needs to take at least one page from GWB's playbook: Play to your base. Always remember who got you here, and keep the promises you made to them. That's what made us fight for him, and I'm still willing to fight for that guy.The snarky nonsense about his use of teleprompters is a distraction. Thank you, Downtown Bob, for circling us back to the serious.

  16. January 27, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    Kids, this is the real world and it is time that you accept that America never has been, and with my help will never be a democracy.I was never that "intelligent and thoughtful and thoroughly liberal."I pulled the wool over your parents eyes and me and my Republican/Democratic corporate friends will continue to pull the wool over your eyes as well.Keep watching the corporate news and pretend that you are listening to the truth. Keep watching Fox and pretend that it is "fair and balanced." In the last 30 years we have seen the greatest disparity of wealth, ever. Tell your parents I said thanks. Do me a favor and keep telling your parents that there is a big difference between Republicans and Democratic types. It makes my job of enriching my friends so much easier.

  17. January 28, 2010 at 4:04 am

    My "State of the Chaos" speech comsists of 3 words…"Stay the course".Oh wait…I forgot about the gays. Let them be in the military.Thank you and good night.

  18. January 28, 2010 at 4:05 am

    It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! It was Bush's fault! thank you.

  19. January 28, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    "Kids, I was factually wrong about the Supreme Court's recent decision . How does a President get it wrong in a 100 minute State of Confusion speech? I don't know, but I did. I think the teleprompter malfunctioned. When I saw Sam Alito's head shake "no" I knew I was busted. I looked at Rahm and he just shrugged. Just remember kids even the President can screw up in a national address to the nation. Sorry Supreme Court. My bad."

  20. January 29, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    P-O-T-A-T-O

  21. January 30, 2010 at 6:20 pm
  22. February 1, 2010 at 7:23 am

    uhhhh I i i i i uhhhhhhhhhh

  23. February 18, 2010 at 3:10 am

    "I like to use this teleprompter for prepared statements because what I say—even in a classroom like this—is reported throughout the world and if my statements aren't phrased correctly they can get misinterpreted or mischaracterized to the detriment of the United States. I prefer to be prudent and make my statements as clear as possible when I represent our nation.. I use the teleprompter to prevent mistakes. It's the wise thing to do when you are in my position."

  24. February 18, 2010 at 3:11 am

    "I like to use this teleprompter for prepared statements because what I say—even in a classroom like this—is reported throughout the world and if my statements aren't phrased correctly they can get misinterpreted or mischaracterized to the detriment of the United States. I prefer to be prudent and make my statements as clear as possible when I represent our nation.. I use the teleprompter to prevent mistakes. It's the wise thing to do when you are in my position."..

  25. February 18, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    Ladies and Gentlemen………….errrrrrrrrrr ahhhhhhhh children,,,,I'am your President.I would like to be King.Listen up now….If all goes well I am ready to take ALL your adulation……If it goes as expected,badly I want you to know that it was ALL George Bush's fault.This will conclude your Day with Obama.Thank you and pick up your Stimuli treats on your way out.

  26. February 19, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    I like mine. Remember Dan Quayle in a classroom spelling potato incorrectly. What a fiasco that started.

  27. March 3, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    This was part of an actual speech prepared to give the US citizens and NOT for the kids as what it looks like.

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